The Commander's Excuse
© (Lyrics) Gerald of Leesville (Gerald Norris), Tune: "Paddy's Lament"
Dread lord, great king, please pity me, as battle draws to close
Our plans were never realized, our ranks were rarely closed
We did okay, our spirits held, but our luck turned for the worst
As the Ansteorran Coastal Region came upon us first.
It seemed to me, the simplest thing, to take them down real quick,
The plan was executed, but the blows just would not stick,
They'd take us here, they'd take us there, they'd shoot us to the ground,
And the plan that seemed so excellent at first was soon shot down.
My company was sorely pressed to keep the line at all,
They'd shoot us with ballista, or they'd pick us off with maul,
They had some crazy spearman liveried in red and blue,
Who'd shout "Good morning, sunshine!" and then he'd run us through.
Of knights they had at least five, though it seemed there were a score,
As blows fell through their shield wall like the rain will sometimes pour,
They had the smallest archer, though her crossbow aim was true,
And anytime she scored a hit she'd jump and shout, "Woo hoo!"
So as my troop was whittled down I fought a good retreat,
But it wasn't long until I was the last one on my feet.
They offered me their mercy, a pickle and some mead,
And a drink called moogaritas that they make up when they need.
And so, my king, I'll be right there, just one more glass is all,
I'm sorry that our line was lost, in battle we did fall,
But friends I've made, I like it here, they are a friendly bunch,
So instead of fighting them next year, let's take them all to lunch.
Gerald's note: (This is) a silly song written for their serpentine excellencies, Ulsted and Cateau.