Where Do We Get 'Em and Why?

©Eleanor Fairchild (Truly Carmichael)



Wife 1:
A pair of goodwives sat a-stitchin
And gossiping, griping and gritchin
Said one to the other “sometimes I could smother
My husband  oh don't you agree?” 
If he's not at the alehouses ravin'
Then he's gambling the money I'm savin'
With all of this strife, I am sure that the life 
Of a spinster'd be better for me 

We're wonderin' where do we get 'em and why don't we
Let em just stay as they be?
Oh where do we get em and why don't we let em stay
Filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell, and they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours.

Wife 2:
Oh you don't know the way that I suffer
From the one I call husband and “Lover”
For the latter is such that he don't think of much
Or perhaps he just don't know the word.
For when in our blankets we huddle
Well, I don't get so much as a cuddle.
Oh I'd rather be dead than put horns on his head 
But the thoughts have most surely occurred!

We're wonderin where do we get 'em and why don't we
Let em just stay as they be?
Oh where do we get em and why don't we let em stay
Filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell, and they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours.

Wife 1:
My dear I don't see how you do it
Your wedding day how you must rue it!
In church how he chatters of bawdy house matters
Oh how do you not simply die!
He always tracks mud on your floors
And how do you sleep while he snores!
His voice is so loud it could silence a crowd
Oh you have much harder than I.
 
We're wonderin where do we get 'em and why don’t we
Let em just stay as they be?
Oh where do we get em and why don't we let em stay
Filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell, and they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours.

Wife 2:
Though some of your words may be true dear
I've got it much better than you dear.
Your husband can't sing, though he tries, you poor thing
Always songs about wenches and wars!
And when he's not singin' he's smoking,
With that stench how do you keep from chokin'
Though mine is no saint, a chimney he ain't.
Hey, how did you know that he snores?

We're wonderin where do we get 'em and why don't we
Let em just stay as they be?
Oh where do we get em and why don't we let em stay
Filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell, and they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours.

We're wonderin where do we get 'em and why don't we
Let em just stay as they be?
Oh where do we get em and why don't we let em stay
Filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell, and they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours.



Eleanor's note: This was written in a contest with Gerald, Michael Silverhands and Aeron Harper. We all agreed to write a piece around the line “Where Do We Get 'em and Why?” and the first one finished would get a steak dinner provided by the others. I haven't seen their pieces yet, so I guess I won! 4/30/2003

Alden's note: A couple days after I heard Eleanor perform this song, I turned around and sent her back The Husbands' Retort, after which I was honored to become her bardic student.